then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize