i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
