Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
