you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My bed smells like the plague
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