He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Randomize
