Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
