I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
