what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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