I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
