Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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