Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
