It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Randomize
