You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
