so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
