I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
