And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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