so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
