I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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