does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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