found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize