I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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