Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
