i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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