I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
