Cold hands, warm shart.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
