I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
