You're my little dorito
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
