i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
