somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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