forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Randomize
