Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Green mimosas i think yes
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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