I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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