If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
