Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
i believe in u and ur pee
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
