absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
