At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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