I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
