i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
