I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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