Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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