nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Randomize
