i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize