What did we do last night that was yellow?
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
