That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
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My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
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July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Randomize
