She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
