I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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