we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
