Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
When did we convert life to cartoon?
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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