fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
