Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
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