That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Alive.
So much puke
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
