Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
