i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
