I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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