with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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