i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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