he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
