I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
