i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Someone shattered a urinal.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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