also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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