I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
