I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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