My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
