Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
