Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
