Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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