Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
why is half of my head shaved?
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