Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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