And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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