We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
