wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
