ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
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