Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
it's like heaven, but drunker
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
this is an emotional support booty call