On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"