My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
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Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
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Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow