either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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