Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
