so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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