it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Randomize
