im about as happy as oj after his trial
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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