We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
this will be a night to untag.
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I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
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When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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