I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.