I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake