Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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