I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
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super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
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DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.