im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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