i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
