I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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