God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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