i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
