I just pynch a tree in the face
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
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