my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
